Complacent

Sometimes I sit back and wonder what I want. Do I really love my life, or is it just a figment of my imagination? What am I supposed to do?? I discontent as FUCK!!! I hate my situation right now. It's so frustrating waking up hoping for a miracle and realizing that it's the same dull life with a new sunshine, and sunset. That's it. I often times wonder if a miracle will ever hit me. Can it really come to someone who waits so patiently for it? I have waited, and waited, and waited like a retard. For what? For something out of the ordinary? The only thing out of the ordinary in my life is the same thing over and over.

When does this crap get better? When do we truly see the person we are destined to be? If I died right now I will have made no contribution to the world. AT ALL! I will just be another specimen who took up space, and cost the world 26 years of NOTHING! It's frustrating. Lately I have been thinking A LOT. Probably too much about myself.

Long story short I ended up in the hospital on tuesday with severe tootchache, and a stupid mistake of having Vicodin without eating anything. It gave me a terrible sensation that put me in the hospital, and even caused the nurse to have to inject me in the REAR. (Which hurt like hell). Then I started laying in that hospital bed, and things hit me. I wasn't crying from the pain but from the frustrations. I hate my life. I try to butter coat it, and think that everything will be ok but it's hard guys. I have literally cried myself to sleep like the last nights in a row. I have become another soul lost to my job, and my bills. Is this what life is supposed to be? Really? How come we have to work to live? Why do our ways of life become so important when it comes to money?

You know atleast I have something going for me. I have a great g/f. Atleast in that aspect I am complacent. Too bad she doesn't know I feel the way I feel in this blog. I wouldn't like to tell her that. She would tell me to grow a pair.

Complacent? I think not. I wish I was.